A girl writing a letter
Smiling woman with paper and pen on cabin porch

I might not have been sure when we first met, it might have taken me some time to get into something, I might have made you wait and I am sorry for all of that. But the only reason I did all of those things was because I wanted to make sure I’m ready so that I wouldn’t hurt your feelings down the line. I wanted to make sure that I would never turn my back on you someday after you’ve given me your heart. I wanted to make sure that I’m ready to give you my all because you deserved nothing less.

But you know what’s funny?

I’ve come to realize that I didn’t need to do all these things; you did.

You should’ve been the one spending time to make sure you were ready because you’re the one who ended up giving up and turning your back on me. You took me deep down and made me fall in love with you and as soon as I did, you swam back to the surface and left me to drown. It might have taken me some time to give you my heart, but the truth is you never gave me yours.

When you told me “I never made you fall in love with me”, you were right. You didn’t. It was my fault to give you my heart and trust. In the beginning, I thought that if I took things slow and tested the water first before I fell deep in, there was no way you would hurt me down the line. But I was wrong. I was foolish enough to convince myself that this indicated you wouldn’t hurt my feelings. I thought I knew you and figured you out. I thought you would never hurt me like others before you have hurt me. How foolish is that? You ended up hurting me more than any of them. But you know what makes me feel the most foolish? The fact that I still love you and care about you more than anyone.

I made you my whole world but to you I was only temporary.

What changed? Don’t I at least deserve an explanation? I don’t want anything else; I just want closure. Where did I go wrong? Don’t ever talk to me again; wipe me from your life if you want to but at least explain to me what I did for you to change on me like this and give up on everything we had? Don’t I at least deserve an explanation? The truth?

I keep trying to convince myself that someday you’ll come back and realise your mistake. But I know I’m lying to myself. I know you’re perfectly fine, living your life as if you never met me, and that’s killing me on the inside. Not a day goes by without me thinking about you and you probably don’t even remember me. How could you quicklyĀ forget all that we had? Please tell me how, so I can learn to move on with my life too. You might have forgotten all the memories and the times we spent together, but how could you forget how I made you feel or at least how you claimed I made you feel? Were these lies too?

You said you couldnā€™t go on because you were scared of the future. I was scared too you know, but my love for you and the need to have you in my life trumped all that fear. I guess that wasn’t the case for you. I hope one day you’ll know what it feels like to know you weren’t worth fighting for, to know that someone maybe loved you but didn’t love you enough to fight his fears and work things through with you, to know that you weren’t enough for them to stay.

But you know what? It’s a good thing you didn’t stay because now I know how well you deal with discomfort. As soon as the going gets tough and as soon as things start to get harder, you bail. I want someone who will be sure of me and who will fight for me no matter and regardlessĀ how scared or unsure they are because they want me in their life. We’re all scared; we all have baggage. It’s just a matter of what we do with it that separates the men from the boys so thanks for showing me which category you fall under.

I hope down the line, whether in a couple of months or a year or even 5 years from now, you stumble across me when I’ve grown out of you. Finally then, after seeing me after all this time, it’ll break your heart and you’ll realize that you’ve lost someone who loved you with their everything, someone who was willing to give you their whole world and that you will never find someone like that ever again.