I tend to call it the Ghost Protocol. When a guy keeps disappearing and reappearing in your life. He is here, and the minute you turn around, he is not. Just like a ghost, who is supposed to be gone, but oddly enough his soul still roams around you.

I know each of us has a different story, but when it comes to this type of behaviour, this modern trend, you will be surprised by how similar the plot line is.

So you went out with a guy. You had several seemingly great dates. He said more than once how much he liked you, and you started to like him back. You finally feel like you’ve met someone you really enjoy spending time with. And as soon as you settled on the idea of having this guy around *snap* the unthinkable happened.

Poof… He Disappears

He put on the Harry Potter cloak of invisibility. You don’t hear from him. You text, and there is no response. Your dignity refrains you from calling again. But you start thinking that maybe something bad happened. But then again you heard from some common friends that he was doing fine. So you got it. He is not that into you!

No matter how much you pretend that you’re fine, you’re not. When we make the effort to adjust our life in order to include someone new, especially romantically, we emotionally invest in them. So it’s really hard when they just turn around and leave without prior heads up. But you’re a survivor anyway, so you go on with your life. And just when you’re about to turn this page…

Abra Kadabra, He Reappears!

The funny part here is that they usually act as if no time has passed, as if you were together only yesterday. You’re so glad he is back (let’s not lie about that) so you turn a blind eye to the past behaviour, thinking he figured out his mistake, and that he won’t do it again.

So you rewind your tape together, and start dating again. Everything is perfect, only he disappeared again!!! Then reappears, only to be gone… He just keeps on doing that, and each time you tell yourself you won’t ever talk to him again! But as soon as he says hi and does a romantic gesture to win you over, you fall for him all over again.

“Don’t be flattered that he misses you. The only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.”

Here are a few reasons why some guys pull the ghosting behaviour: It could mean he is multi-dating, or he is really busy with work, family or life and you’re not his top priority, or maybe he is commitment-phobic or doesn’t want a relationship so he keeps things at a certain level, or maybe he is not sure how he feels about you. See, the possibilities are endless, and when you ask him, you will never get a straight answer.

“Don’t waste your time on or give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about his feelings for you.”

When a guy wants to make a relationship work, he will move mountains to keep the girl he loves. Guys who can’t live without you, won’t ghost you! Don’t you wish for someone who’ll forget about everything in life before they forget about you? If he likes you but for personal reasons needs to take things slow, (which is completely fine) he will let you know that immediately. Or if he has a lot on his plate at the moment, he won’t keep you guessing. Because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and walk away.

Don’t settle for less. You shouldn’t be hopelessly staring at your phone, waiting for it to ring. You shouldn’t go through the headache of calling him or not, when you know you shouldn’t. Or stopping yourself from getting into another relationship in case he showed up again. You deserve someone who will show up, who you know will be there when everyone is gone. Not his ghost!



  • Unidentified User

    I am actually having this very problem. It is terrible, because I am actually the kind of woman who really has a hard time dating in the first place. I never see men as long term, because they tend to anger me too much. They’re freedom stealers and that in and of itself is the primary reason why I choose to be unattached and alone more times than not. However, right now I am dealing with someone who has ghosted me twice, and then when I confronted them on their crap they had the nerve to tell me to move on! Which that’s precisely what I was doing, until they’ve interrupted my own healing process and made the pain afresh. Now I hear from him about once a month, and on New Years he said exactly, “Happy New Years… Miss you…” I don’t buy it for a minute.