To put it bluntly, our generation is very selfish and it’s hurting our relationships. In our social empowering ‘ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do with my life’ mentality, it’s all about us, and we don’t want to make any compromises. We have our goals and dreams and we are going after them. But unfortunately, compromises are critical to the success of any relationship; you have to give up a little to meet in the middle or else it will fail.
You might be thinking to yourself right now, “I can compromise. I can give up a little here and there.” Well wow, congratulations. You can compromise over what movie to watch and what toppings to put on your pizza and you think that’s enough. Sorry sista, but it’s a lot more than that. If you want to be in it for the long haul, there are some compromises that aren’t going to be so easy, that you might not want to make them in the first place. These could be huge compromises like where to live if one of you gets a job abroad but the other doesn’t, which can impact what kind of jobs you can get. What? You mean there are other factors than how well you did at school that will impact the career you’ve been dreaming of since you were seven? Back up now… We’re not just talking about pizza toppings any more.
Other tough compromises can be where to go on vacation, where to go out and how much, and whose family to visit for which holiday. You are no longer a lone wolf that gets to go where the wind takes you. There’s another person you have to consider, someone you probably want to make happy but you want to make yourself happy too, so it’s confusing.
Think about what a relationship is! You are trying to take two different and unique individuals and mesh them together so that they are together but not killing each other. That’s tough. You have to give up some of yourself which seems so counter-intuitive, especially to our generation.
On top of that, you might even be encouraged not to make them because people around you are saying you shouldn’t. What’s that? Your same friends who are pushing you on dates and constantly setting you up can also be the same ones telling you not to give up your dreams and settle for someone who’s not perfect? Yeah. Well, we all know we’re not going to find someone perfect, but if someone’s not perfect, what does that mean? We have to compromise. Ooooh, almost sounds like settling, and we don’t like that.
We are obsessed with being ourselves, the way and how we want to be ourselves. Probably everyday, you like a motivational post on Instagram or Facebook with an inspiring picture and quote combination that reminds you to follow your dreams, be true to yourself, and never let anyone change you. Well, all of these are good things to do, but there can be too much of a good thing if you ever want to have a successful relationship. Human beings are complicated, intricate creatures and you can’t expect to find someone who is going to fit perfectly with you without any compromises or changes. But do you want to? Is that why you always throw in the towel?
Usually our relationships fail around the time that we have exhausted what compromising we can put up with and start running into the hurdles that we refuse to budge on. This is why it’s good to have an idea of what these hurdles are in advance so you don’t get halfway through the relationship before realizing you can’t do it. Some sacrifices are worth it, and some aren’t, and depends on the person.
Honestly, I don’t find any of this to be a bad thing. If your main goal is not to be in a relationship right now, it’s better to be selfish. Be selfish with your time and energy so you don’t invest it in someone you are not willing to compromise for. Being selfish is what gives you standards, because you don’t want to settle in the sense of settling for someone who is bad for you.
They say love is not selfish, so if you really want to love someone, you have to be willing to make compromises and give some things up to make it work. If you’re not ready to do that yet, just postpone “relationshipping” for now and enjoy the single life, doing everything you want to do.