By: Naureen Youssef
Whether you ended a marriage or a relationship, the grieving process is all the same. The feeling of your heart being shattered to tiny pieces, knowing this will probably change you to become less trusting of others, feeling like your soul has left your body, like your world fell apart and you have to face it at some point that you are alone!
It’s normal to break down, to let the pain in. Actually, I think it’s healthy to live those feelings and accept that you are only human even if you thought you’re the strongest person alive. It’s only natural to go through it.
- Breaking down!
It’s extremely normal to cry your eyes out if that’s what you feel like doing. Spend days in front of the TV eating chocolates and watching romantic movies, listen to sad songs, sleep all you want and do not care about how you look.
Do not rush into another relationship just to get your ex jealous; trust me you will only be bringing more suffering to yourself and your new partner.
- Get up!
After the first couple of weeks have passed, you start to feel a little better. Take a shower, dress up, put on some makeup or do anything else that makes you feel good about yourself.
Go through what happened; don’t be too harsh on yourself thinking it was all your fault even if your ex made it seem that way. Remember it takes two to tango and we all make mistakes. Accordingly, learn from those mistakes and acknowledge what you did wrong, whether it was your attitude or behavior and don’t repeat it next time.
- Don’t be crazy!
Do not take on smoking, drinking or even drugs because you think you cannot handle the pain; you are only hurting yourself proving you are too weak to face it. When you’re done, you will have to start the grieving process again from scratch.
Instead of a destructive behavior, you can dance, go to the gym, write or even start coloring. Do anything that you love; make a fool out of yourself and laugh about it.
- Ask for help!
Ending a relationship is exhausting; it feels like the building you have been building from scrap has been destroyed so do not fear to ask for a helping hand. We all need support at this stage; that’s when a friend, a family member or even a therapist comes in handy.
Talk it out and ask for help. Take someone’s advice and let him or her help you become the stronger person you were before.
- Be strong!
Nowadays with social media, it’s so easy to stalk your ex around. We all know it will only hurt you no matter how strong you think you are, especially that they are probably going through the exact same thing like you, so no emails, texts or calls.
Do not post updates about how happy you are or how depressed you are just because you think they’re watching.
- Lose it!
Cleanse your home by getting rid of anything that reminds you of your ex, whether it’s a book, a mix tape, a letter, pictures or a bracelet.
Put it all in a box and leave it somewhere you don’t often have access to like a friend’s house. When the time is right, open the box and remember the good moments you shared.
- Forgive!
At this point, you will get angry at your ex or maybe at yourself for breaking up, for the damage you caused to the relationship or for whatever they did that triggered the end of it. As a result, learn to forgive because if you don’t, you will be locked up within your own prison walls.
I honestly believe to truly move on, you have to “Forgive & Forget” as the popular saying suggests.
- New Activity!
Try pursuing new activities and places; do not hang out at the same old spots where you used to meet your ex. Get out of your comfort zone and reconnect with old friends or meet up with family especially if you have been too preoccupied by your relationship.
Get lost in a new book that you always wanted to read but did not have the time to; start writing or get a new pet.
- Enjoy being single!
Don’t look around for the next rebound relationship that knocks on your door. Instead, take this time to enjoy being single. Do what you want whenever you want; remember many people in relationships would love to be single for at least a while.
Learn to love yourself in that time; figure yourself out and do things for you. For once, you have the chance to do anything you want.
- Move on!
Leave the past behind and take a trip alone or with a friend to a place you always wanted to visit. Calm your senses and get some peace of mind; meet new people from different cultures and talk about random things like different types of food or dances from around the globe.
- Become friends!
Some people don’t think they can be friends with their ex’s but I strongly believe it’s possible if the relationship ended with respect and maturity. You can be friends after sufficient time has passed, after you have completely gotten over the relationship. After all, this person knew you better than anyone else; wouldn’t you want to have them in your life?
