It’s 7 am.
I’m sitting in bed listening to the rain drops as they collide with the ledge of my window.
There’s something very calming and soothing about the sound.
It’s definitely bringing down the insane battle currently taking place in my head a notch or two.
Nevertheless,
my thoughts are all over the place.
One second, I’m thinking about the weather and the next thing I’m thinking about all the obstacles I went through in my lifetime thus far and how they have shaped me into the woman I am today.
This combination of shallow and very deep philosophical thoughts is the normal for me.
I consider myself to be an over-thinker of the highest pedigree.
However, today there’s something different.
Something doesn’t sit right.
I’m feeling anxious.
Maybe it’s because for the first time in my life, I took control.
I took control of my emotional side and cut him out of my life.
For the first time, I led in with my mind instead of my heart.
I was never the type to like open endings with others.
Even if a person f**ked up, I’m always the one to patch things up.
I’m always the one to say sorry first.
But, this time, I put myself first.
This person has back-stabbed me in the worst way.
I told him what hurt me the most in life and he went and did the exact same thing.
I told him my biggest weakness.
I trusted him enough with my biggest insecurity and what did he do?
He used it against me.
Even though others have hurt me so much worse, this time it really got under my skin.
My pride got scratched one too many times and I’m done.
From now on, I will live for me and I will always put myself first.
I will do what makes me happy.
Yes I am feeling anxious, but I’m also feeling very confident and proud of my decision.
People need to realize that they can’t just push me around anymore.
From now on, I live for me and me only.
