Ghosting; some people would agree on it being one of the meanest things one could ever do to another person.
It’s basically like waking up one morning and pretending that the person you once had an intimate relationship with is no longer there. Although, they pretty much are!
And the worst part is the fact that you neither explain your decision to end the relationship or whatever it is that you had, nor even do it gradually.
For those who don’t exactly get what ghosting means; here’s the exact definition:
Ghosting is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone, by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
Obviously, it’s heartbreaking for the other person. And it’s not like whoever does it has no idea how much ghosting really hurts.
But the problem is, a lot of people still do it regardless.
We decided to speak to a guy as well as a girl “ghoster” to understand what goes on in their minds as they take the deliberate decision to leave someone behind, all of a sudden.
“I’m aware that suddenly ending a relationship with someone is a horrible move. It’s not like I don’t know that. And I hate to say this but when I do it, it’s usually because I felt like it,” said Laila, 24.
As Laila confirmed her complete awareness of how wrong ghosting is, she still told us that it’ll be hard not to do it a thousand other times.
“For me, it’s like an involuntarily physical reaction. I get close to one person, we talk every day and night and it becomes a strict life routine to always update that person on my day..etc,” she said.
She went on to explain how she can’t help it when that person does something that gets on her nerves a little – even if it’s too small that it’s unmentionable -; she finds herself on the immediate ghosting mode. Like she said, a physical reaction; as simple as not being able to even text back.
“One time, there was this guy. We talked almost every day for 5 months. I won’t deny it, I had feelings. But, I discovered that he had stronger ones. And acting upon them, he started being a bit controlling, asking where I am and why haven’t I texted back..etc,” Laila said.
“To be honest, his feelings weren’t that overwhelming nor was he hard to deal with, in terms of being a control freak and so on. I could’ve easily reasoned so many things with him. Keeping in mind, that him becoming a bit clingy isn’t a big deal anyway. However, I chose to disappear, instead,” she continued.
We also talked to a guy who’s the typical definition of a professional ghoster. Since, he didn’t just do it once or twice. But, he always does it. It’s like a lifestyle for him.
“Look, I know it makes me look like the careless bad boy type, but, hear me out – Yes I ghost a lot of girls, however, I almost always have a reason. And actually, most of the time, it’s the same exact one,” said Karim, 21.
Although Karim is a self-proclaimed professional ghoster, he promises that every time he does it; it’s because of the expectations.
“I believe that I’m young, and no, I don’t have a fear of commitment. It’s just that I don’t believe that I should be in a serious relationship at that age. And I don’t hide this from anyone. Girls who have dated me and still do know that about me, especially before we get involved,” he continued.
The 21-year-old is sort of throwing the blame on the girls who complain about him mysteriously ending the relationship. Just because they ‘supposedly‘ know how he is.
“Long story short; whenever I get involved with someone; a couple of months pass by and all of a sudden I begin to feel that I’m being drowned in the expectations of having a ‘real’ thing. And that’s a turn off for me, therefore; I ghost,” Karim explained.
From what we gathered so far from both genders, we think ghosting happens for three different reasons; either altogether or separately.
The first reason is fear of confrontation; you could be done with that person, no longer wanting them in your life for whatever reason in the world. Or maybe even wanting to take a break.
However, what often stops you from giving an explanation before cutting off communication is how you don’t want to confront the person, out of fear.
It could be that you’re worried about how the second party is going to react, or worse; scared that they’re going to have some sort of an influence on you that will force you to abort mission, one way or another.