You are your harshest critic. If you were nearly as mean to people as you are to yourself, you’d probably have no friends. The truth is, loving yourself is far harder than most things life throws your way. To overcome these obstacles is a sign of strength and perseverance.
The mirror is your worst nightmare. Looking at your reflection makes you notice all those minuscule flaws like how crooked your nose is or how dark your under-eye circles are – that no one else notices but you. It’s terrifying facing your imperfections and insecurities, but one of the sure ways to deal with any fear is to face it head on. Look in the mirror every day, and instead of telling yourself all the things you hate, find something to love. It might sound stupid, but look at yourself and say: “I’m beautiful” or “I’m good enough”. Speak to yourself kindly; it’ll make a difference.
It isn’t as clear cut when everything around you screams that you are NOT good enough, pretty enough or smart enough. Sometimes, these destructive messages come from loved ones, and it’s bound to be a roadblock on your journey. You need to be a constant reminder to yourself that you’re worthy of love. Although we might get daily compliments, one negative remark can throw us off completely and make accepting these compliments impossible. We weigh the negative comments more heavily than the positive ones, and allow them get to our very core. With conscious effort, you can reduce the impact it has on you. Remember that a person’s negative comment about you is more reflective of their own insecurities than of your flaws.
The biggest crime we can commit is constantly comparing ourselves to others. Whether it be the comparisons we draw between us and perfect portrayals of people on social media and mass media, or comparing ourselves to the people in our lives, there’s no way this will end well. Sometimes, we overthink and compare ourselves to people even in the way others perceive them vs. how they perceive us. We can’t read minds, and assuming we can curbs our potential of loving ourselves.
Other harmful thoughts cross our minds all the time; we must learn to block them and replace them with ones that push us towards our pursuit of loving ourselves. When we’ve been single for a long time, thoughts like “am I not good enough?”, or “am I unloveable” emerge, and eff us up in more ways than one. What we need to realize is that expectations are a sure recipe for disappointment and expecting ourselves to do socially normative things like getting into a relationship, getting good grades in school or fitting certain beauty standards, is nothing but a pseudo-ideal construct of society. We aren’t boxes, and our differences make us special. Being single for a long time is not indicative of your “loveability”, just like not being good at maths doesn’t indicate your level of intelligence.