The chaos of the microbus network in Cairo may seem like too much to tackle for the inexperienced, but we promise there is a rhyme and reason behind the craziness. There are so many advantages to mastering the micro bus game. One, they are cheap. Two, they are fast. And three, for the thrill-seekers, they can be a convenient alternative for a quick rush (the route down from Moa’attam, anyone?).
The main trick with mastering the microbuses, is to sync what you know about Cairo and economics. No one is making these bus drivers punch in and out; it is purely by demand. So if a lot of people want to go where you are going, there’s probably a bus for that.
Look confused as hell
Learning a new route can be overwhelming. These buses don’t mark where they are going, so you have to figure out where the route is by either asking innocent bystanders and other bus drivers. The trick is to look confused so people will help you.
Do whatever it takes to get the driver’s attention
The drivers want as many customers as possible, so they’re ready to work with you. First level of bus riding is to make eye contact with the driver and wave your hand so they stop and you can ask them where they are going. Second level is staring them down and yelling your destination while still in motion. Pro level is staring them down while making the appropriate hand symbol that coordinates with your route. Yes, the buses have their own gang-style codes to get us where we need to go.
Avoid the hot seats
Don’t sit in the seat by the door in the second row
If you get to pick your seat, do so wisely. The right seat in the second row is hands down the worst. This is the one that usually folds up and down and is in the way of just about every single person in the whole dang bus. So unless you want to get in and out a million times, don’t sit there.
Don’t sit right behind the driver
If you are at the beginning of a route where you have to wait for the bus to fill up before it moves, don’t sit right behind the driver. This is a rookie mistake made by those who think it’s better to be closer to the front. False! You will be responsible for making all the change for the fares. Math quizzes should stay in school where they belong! A fare of an even one or two pounds isn’t that bad, but 1.75 gets complicated really fast.
Make sure you have the right soundtrack
If your bus driver isn’t already jamming out to some crazy sh3by music (which makes us question his right to be a proper bus driver in the first place), find some on your phone. It’s not right to swing past the busy Cairo snapshots through the window without the appropriate soundtrack.
Continue to act as confused as hell
You remember the road trips that you drove your parents up-the-wall crazy? Do that again. Ask people where you should get out, try to find someone who is getting out at the same time or after so they can be your buddy and make sure you don’t miss your stop. People will help you, there’s no shame acting the confused one until you actually aren’t confused any more.
Remain calm in the face of a crisis
Things can happen unexpectedly while riding a micro bus. It could break down; it is Egypt after all. The driver could stop for tea; he is self-employed after all, so his boss won’t care. The driver can even kick you out and make you get in another bus, because he decided he doesn’t have enough passengers to make the route worthwhile. But don’t panic, just be patient and go with the flow. If he makes you get on another bus, he’ll give your fare to the new driver.
Watch your landmarks
When starting a new route, pay close attention to the world whipping by on the other side of the glass (or outside the open side door, if that’s the case). Make mental notes of the main landmarks so you can remember for next time.
Yell to escape
Here a standard “3la ganb law sam7t” will work fine. But if you are feeling particularly ballsy, you can shout out something like “awl el kobry m3ak ya raiys!” Then no one will even guess that you’re an amateur (unless you were playing the confused earlier, then you’re cover is blown).
Jump out like a ninja
Again, you don’t want to take your time escaping from the ride you just survived. Just be sure that the bus has stopped completely, because nothing is worse than falling out of the bus (serious words of advice here).
